Estella Tse 9/30/25 Estella Tse 9/30/25

The Inner Voices

These aren’t real mushrooms
It’s not accurate
Someone’s going to point out that xyz are wrong
Your colors are off
Your composition is redundant
Position things better
That’s not what moss looks like
That’s not how moss behaves
This isn’t even real
You’re never gonna become xyzblahblahblahblahblah
No one will take you seriously
Your art sux
Your creativity is boring
You’re unoriginal
You’re boring

Estella Tse 9/29/25 Estella Tse 9/29/25

Autumn Begins

This Cali girl is not ready!!
I literally only have tank tops and shorts in my drawers and haven’t done the wardrobe switch yet 😭

Things I’m looking forward to:

Taking the season to be more inward
Cozy time = more time being with myself, my little family, and close friends
Prepping for the joys and celebrations of holiday season

Estella Tse 9/25/25 Estella Tse 9/25/25

Others’ Chaos

Some people are cursed with a lot of internal demons. The chaos fills them - and it’s most of what they’ve known.

My tendency is think I can solve that • that everyone, if given unconditional love, can heal and overcome the demons within them.

My fallacy was thinking that that was my job to solve….

Estella Tse 9/18/25 Estella Tse 9/18/25

A Way Back to Hopefulness

How do you lift yourself up again when everything feels oppressive?
When your own body can’t move?

Back to the Basics:

Count my blessings
See what it is I have before me
Take time, space, moments to reconnect with my life — my family, friends, communities.
- Reach out to those who are there FOR me — people who share the same values as me.
- Tell them my pains • my worries • tell them my present moment of feeling hopelessness.
- And allow them to remind me of the things WE value most.
Spend time with Bryan - the purest soul I know. Watch her unadulterated joy, unfiltered, unapologetically joy-filled. She is Light. She is Golden.
Surround myself with plants, with nature, with connection to something larger than… all this.
Revisit and remember WHY I create.
Remember my VALUES…..

Estella Tse 9/15/25 Estella Tse 9/15/25

Misconceptions of Self Worth

In my healing journey, the hardest bit for me is centering my self-worth and confidence in myself - instead of others or external things.

It’s one of the reasons why daily social media engagement isn’t good for me. It’s too easy to place my self-worth in the hands of others - in likes, engagement, shares. THAT is too fragile an ecosystem to place one’s self-worth. In the algorithm and economic choices of a major corporation, nonetheless! No thank you!!

My default setting was to let others decide for me my worth.
And it’s taken a LOT of work to place my worth in myself.

One of the mental health practices I do is to ask myself: Where is your self-worth today? Is it in you? Is it hanging out upstairs? Is it completely not around and is out dicking around about town?

The steps to self-compassion and feeling assured in myself is to respond with….

Estella Tse 8/20/25 Estella Tse 8/20/25

Recalibration and Cycles

From my XR era, I’m so used to SPRINTING my way thru projects, creativity, and - well — life itself!

I’m learning to do SLOW AND STEADY these days. Taking my learnings from compounding wealth, I am learning to build strong • steady • progressive. What is this “marathon” way of designing life? 😂

With my creative process right now, I feel like it is:

Creating for Me:
- Quieter, inward, reflective days
- Painting and creating art pieces as my heart and soul needs + desires
Generating revenue:
- Moments of sprints and intensity with market or shop pushes
- This is where my high level brain gets to do creative R&D experimenting with products, workflow, optimization. Testing, building, deep-diving into things like building out my user journeys, how audiences might experience my work, tech integrations into physical art, etc……

Estella Tse 8/18/25 Estella Tse 8/18/25

Stumptown Roasters

The flagship store on SE Division~ Coffee-fueled creative time!

Estella Tse 7/2/25 Estella Tse 7/2/25

you can’t save everybody

Being with ultra compassionate and empathy-driven friends, this is something we’ve been learning — and still struggle with.

Or maybe that people can be saved - but not by me.

There’s a limit of what can be done; there’s a limit of how much can be given; there’s a limit to capability and capacity.

I spoke tenderly to a friend last week about how there’s a part of me that wanted to be the hero. I wanted to take pride in being the savior. There’s so much history loaded there with my role in my family and the pain I wanted to take away (and absorb!!!) from my parents. If I could hold it, maybe they wouldn’t have to suffer. I was young, I had so much capacity, I could be their container.

I think that showed up in some of my hardest moments in life, too.

If I don’t have needs or wants, I could make sure others will be released from their suffering.

Martyr mentality! WHOOF!!!…….