ain’t no saint
“WELP. I BREATHED. I’M DONE MEDITATING.”
It’s okay to be hella impatient with painting and ‘breathing’ on some days 😂😂😂 I’m no fuckin saint LOL
This was a fun little chinese brush experiment. I did one wash all the way around the paper. I dropped some more thicker ink at the center, and moved the paper around in different angles to get the ink to flow along the spiral - using gravity and momentum to move the ink along. Fun little doodle to play with.
Inhale • Exhale
Experiments using the Chinese brush with acrylic inks and making marks while doing breathing exercises.
Power in Compounding
Taking learnings in financial wealth building - it’s about compounding. The key to building a strong, stable foundation. A little at a time goes a long way.
Part of my mental health and creative practice integration means I still need to meditate and paint freely several times a week to show my mind + body + soul that I’m here for it. That inner Estella can still create and BE as she desires, even with the flurry of exciting huge things in the winds….
Kwun Yum 觀音
A return back to self
Return back to my heritage and roots
Goddess of compassion
Goddess of love and blessings
There’s No Perfectionism in Buddhism.
The answer isn’t in doing this right.
Remember to sit in the quiet - the yin.
You’ll find your answers within.
You’ll find your answers withyin LOLOLOLHELP….
Rewiring Neurosystems
The early stages of moving from Scorpio South Node (intensity, transformation) to Taurus North Node (stability, embodiment) often involve creating structured routines as a necessary foundation. However, the mature expression of Taurus energy isn't rigidity but adaptable stability—like a tree that's firmly rooted yet flexible enough to bend with the wind.
From a neurobiological perspective, this is part of the recalibration process. Your nervous system first needs consistent routines to establish safety, but eventually needs to develop flexibility within stability….
Not Yours to Hold
It was never yours to hold
I’m sorry we placed that into you
The belief that you could be the only one to help us
It wasn’t yours
And we’re sorry
It was our chaos. It was our pain, our frustration, our mayhem…
Samatha
The daily creative work isn’t just about skill-building. It actually is not that at all.
It’s about showing up as myself, to myself, with my creativity. Honoring the authenticity of what and how I want to create as an expression of myself in the moment.
It takes a lot of mental fortitude to have gotten here - to break out of the high level expectations of my ArtCenter upbringing, to turn down the perfectionist voice. I frankly couldn’t have done this without regular art therapy sessions, which has taught me to make simply because I feel like it. This has required a lot of self-trust, discipline, and grounding to remember that my art is mine. And I can make it however I desire and please.
Whether it be a pencil, watercolor, VR, whatever new tech thingy, these are all mediums of my creation. I span and stretch the spectrum of creation….
A Moment to Feel
Learning to step away from intensity,
To take moments to sit in my quiet,
To allow myself to just be silent in my mind and being.
Even when it’s good intensity with lots of social time and exertion with friends,
I still need to carve time and space for myself….
the simplicity of life
Wake up • Take care of my morning needs • Exercise • Take Bryan out • Make a delicious nutritious bfast for myself • Daily paintings + meditations • Attend to the garden • Work • Check-in with friends • Time with P • Hang with friends over delicious food • Adventure with Bryan • Rest over music, art, trash tv, reflect • Sleep a lot <3 ….
Worth Making
I remember thinking, “I’m not good enough.
I’m not creative enough.
I’m not abstract enough.
I’m not original enough.”
and the list could go on.
I would see other artists’ work and wonder….