Most Influential Books for My Career

“How did you become a VR artist?”
”Well, when I was 5 years old…..”

Umm! I mean, hello!!

There’s no way I would have known my path would lead me to be an internationally known and desired VR/AR artist! Most people in the world still have yet to put on a virtual reality headset, let alone fathom what an artist does in a face computer.

With a strong conviction to make the world a better place, a heck lot of education and training, and an incredible support in my corner, I’ve been very #blessed to carve my own unique path.

“Get hired for my brain,
not my hand, ”
I remember repeating to myself over and over again.

Welp! I better get my brain and mindset in order! Since then, I’ve been hungry to learn about others who successfully turned their ideas into reality, combining different genres of industries together, and - just - the FOUNDATIONS of “making it.”

Here are the key books that helped me on my journey! I hope it helps you, too <3

---

Transparency note: I’m trying out Amazon Affiliate linking as a way of generating small passive income. I’ll make like a $0.20-$2 commission (LOL) if you purchase through the below links - no additional cost to you. I will only recommend products or services that I genuinely believe will add value to your creative entrepreneurial journey, too. :) Onward!

---

15 books that helped me become a creative entrepreneur

1) Getting There: A Book of Mentors by Gillian Zoe Segal

Such a meaty book for inspiration, reading about people’s origin stories and how they got to their successes. Nine years later, I’m still slowly reading through the stories - each one is packed with so much inspo.

2) Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration by Ed Catmull, Amy Wallace

Early on in my XR career, I was hungry to learn from anyone who combined art + tech. Of course, I had to study the heck out of Ed Catmull and Pixar to understand how they were able to combine technologies with storytelling. Most pertinent in this book are the stories of resilience, “failing fast,” and getting back up again.

3) Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

A book that changed my life. I have a quote that sits boldly near my desk:
”Success, recognition, and approval are not the values that drive me.
My value is Courage.”

It’s not about the accolades, the likes, the awards - it’s the courage to DARE to be ME.

I’ve read this book 3 or 4 times, each time with new wisdom gained.

4) Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek

Like many others, Simon Sinek’s “Start with WHY” TED Talk shifted my life, too. I know I’m a good leader, but how or why? This helped me fine-tune and better understand that it’s my authenticity, integrity, and my aligned actions that make me a good leader.

5) Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

Her story about Ideas trying to find people to collaborate with helped lessen the pressures for me. The concept of collaborating with a muse helped, too. This book really did ignite magic and inspiration for me.

6) How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci by Michael J. Gelb

Did you know Da Vinci had less than 20 paintings? He was a polymath: artist, inventor, engineer. He became a role model for me when I first investigating art + tech innovation. There are lessons in this book I think about every day, especially Curiosita.

7) Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking by David Bayles

Helped me feel less alone in my creative journey. It’s SCARY to do art fully. There’s so many unknowns. And if often feels like there’s so little in our control, too. This was a core read for me when I started my creative professional journey.

8) Do Story by Bobette Buster

Recommended by one of my mentors, Bobette Buster would be brought into Disney to help solve issues with their stories. This small but mighty book teaches how to tell stories in a meaningful, compelling, and impactful way. This one really changed my life - especially as it pertains to public speaking and talking engagements.

9) The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream by Paulo Coelho

Such good inspo for following one’s dreams and calling.

10) Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

Finding fulfillment and peace thru the simple things in life, in nature, and - in turn - connection. Another short but mighty book packed with inspiration.

11) Your Illustrated Guide To Becoming One With The Universe by Yumi Sakugawa

I love and have recommended this book so much! My favorite take-away from Sakugawa’s book is regularly sitting with one’s demons, inviting them to tea, letting the demon speak and express itself. Our inner voices often just want to be heard, validated, and acknowledged. This really aligns way I express myself and thoughts in my own therapy and journaling. Sakugawa does it in such a beautiful way.

12) Feck Perfuction: Dangerous Ideas on the Business of Life by James Victore

Oh I just love Victore’s brash tone! It’s so refreshing and wholehearted, imo! LOL They speak to the creative and mental challenges of being a professional creative - distractions, perfectionism, external factors. This is a good reminder to just shut the noise and stay true to our own paths.

13) The Simple Path: Your road map to financial independence and a rich, free life to Wealth by J L Collins

I needed to start learning about money! This is a good, easy read on the concept of how wealth works. Basically, it’s about compounding - letting things build upon itself. I’ve taken this concept and think about this, not just for my money, but also wellness and health in my life, too. Having a strong, secure, stable foundation means “add-ons” and shifts/changes are easier managed.

I particularly love the bit where he talks about guessing where we might be with money in 5, 10, 20+ years. “Guessing” takes a lot of pressure off of being… wrong? inaccurate? failing? Nonetheless, a great book at the start of my financial literacy journey.

14) I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi

I can’t recommend this enough! Sethi’s book is SO easy to understand, provides fantastic structures and practices to automate contributions. He’s all about creating a SYSTEM — which I LOVE! Let the money serve YOU — even if you only get paid $12/hr!! I actually implemented my systems when I was working retail making about that much! It’s still doable and I could still see my money grow.

15) Freelance, and Business, and Stuff by Amy Hood and Jennifer Hood

A life-changing book for my business! This is packed with so much information on how to be your own creative business, for all the nitty gritty things! LLCs, accounting, contracts, etc. This book

---

All of these books tap on a variety of focuses — all quite integral to my holistic journey. I hope these might help and serve you, too!

Have any of these helped you, too? Are there any you’d add to this list? I want to hear what has inspired you on your path!

Re-emerging from a four year hermit hole

Hello, World! My, oh, my. Attending Art Center was no easy feat. Since I found out I got admitted to the college in early 2012, I made a conscious decision to cut out a lot of things in order to fully commit and focus on my intense new program.

A lot happened, and I ended up cutting out a lot of things I never anticipated to. I guess that's what happens when you go into a rigorous grad-esque program. But I'm grateful to say that I came out with a better idea of who I am, my intentions in life, and how I want to continue on with the rest of my life.

I know. Total esoteric shit.

I matured a lot in a short amount of time. And I became very familiar with my creative self and her process. You learn a lot about your raw self when you can only get four hours of sleep every night. ;)

As I was left the web design/development world in late 2011, a lot of things have naturally progressed in the web world. Not to mention all the new technologies that have emerged since then, too. I find myself behind in learning things like git, javascript, SVG, and oh wut ppl don't use Wordpress as much anymore? I am an absolute dinosaur now.

But!! I've picked up some amazing new skills along the way, I swear!

• I'm frickin bomb at drawing and painting by hand now!
• I frequently create sketchbooks and prints!
• One of my pieces was published in Comic-con International's publication!
• I've learned how to sell my artwork at conventions and shows!
• I've been trained by top Disney art directors and artists, and I can whip out concept art pieces for entertainment!
• My school awarded me the Student Leadership Award (they just wanted me to stop asking questions, get outta their hair, or something). More about this soon. :)
• I managed to setup and showcase one of my pieces in virtual reality (VR) at my graduating show. (Second person from my school to ever do so, following the exceptional Ashley Pinnick; First person to do so with an HTC Vive!)

There's a lot to catch up on. And part of my un-hermit-ing will include documenting and sharing more about my process again.

Understanding the Self-Critic

This last year, I've been diving in full-throttle in identity work and self betterment. This investigation has required a tremendous amount of deconstruction, reconstruction, and a deep sense of self awareness. Here are some findings. So, I'm a Tiger Daughter. I was raised with a perfectionist Tiger Mom who expected a lot of her kids, who really wanted us to take on a lot and be tough asses. And we did. Well, at least my brothers were fantastic at the hard sciences. I wasn't. I was good at.... err... drawing, and... watching people.

Anyway, my mom doesn't reign over my life anymore (that's a completely different story), but there's this internal voice that is represented as mom's voice within my head. For most of my decisions, it's a matter of "Does she approve? Does she not? Will I make her proud? Will I be accepted? Will I be criticized for this?" Growing up in my parents' house, this used to actually be her, and she was the cause of all the anxiety in every decision I made. I'm not anywhere near nor close emotionally to my mom right now by choice, but I still have those thoughts in my head in all my big decisions.

When I make mistakes, it's brutal. Rather, I'm brutal. I'm relentless, unforgiving, viciously toxic to myself. To the point where I've lived most of my life feeling like I'm broken: I don't fit in, I'm not good enough to be with that person, I can't do what normal people do, I'm inadequate in every way. We're all critical about ourselves, but I think there's a different class of self-criticism and ingrained anxiety for those raised by Tiger Moms.

-----------------------

Along this journey, I've been actively trying to undo the damage my self-critic demons have caused. I've been reading a book called Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. Here are some of the things I've been learning:

• To make ourselves feel better about our selves, we tend to think we're better than others in some aspects. These "self-enhancing" traits are dependent on the values of the culture. For example, "Whereas Americans tend to think they're more independent, self-reliant, original, and leader-like than the average American, Asians tend to think they're more cooperative, self-sacrificing, respectful, and humble than their peers" (Neff, 20).This relates to our tendency not only to view ourselves as better and more superior than others (for human being, animal, instinctual social reasons), but we view others as worse. We do this so that we won't be ousted or cast out by our social groups, so that we can exist somewhere in the hierarchy — we are social animals, after all.  "When we are always seeing the worst in others, our perception becomes obscured by a dark cloud of negativity. Our thoughts become malevolent, and this is the mental world we then inhabit... By putting others down to puff ourselves up, we are cutting off our nose to spite our face, creating and maintaining the state of disconnection and isolation we actually want to avoid" (Neff, 21).
• Self-criticism is a kind of safety behavior to make sure we can still be accepted by the larger social group. It's a kind of submissive behavior. Like, "I know I messed up. I'm gonna beat you to it -- you don't need to tell me cuz I already know. Don't criticize me or judge me, please, cuz I already know. Sympathize for me, please, and let me know I'm not as fucked up as I think I am." Neff notes that this "stems from the natural desire not to be rejected and abandoned" (24). It makes me think about those of us who have core themes of rejection and abandonment. Are we waayyy more self critical?
• On critical parents and worthiness: "People with critical parents learn the message early on that they are so bad and flawed that they have no right to be accepted for who they are." They are often both the good cop and bad cop: rewarder and punisher. "This leads to fear and distrust among children, who soon come to believe that only by being perfect will they be worthy of love."Perfectionism becomes something to strive for because it then takes away any reason for people to criticize the child. "Self-criticism will prevent them from making future mistakes, thereby circumventing others' criticism. At the very least, they can blunt the force of others' criticism by making it redundant. A verbal assault doesn't have quite the same power when it merely repeats what you've already said to yourself" (25-26).
• It's also related to control. If we are blamed for our mistakes, then that means we are solely responsible for our failures, regardless of external factors and internal responses. This is unfair to ourselves because we don't always have control.
•  On dating and attraction: we look for relationships that validate who we believe we are ("self-verification theory"). "They want their self-views to be validated because it helps to provide a sense of stability in their lives... Even people who make strong negative evaluations of themselves follow this pattern They seek to interact with others who dislike them, so that their experiences will be more familiar and coherent.""Self-critics are often attracted to judgmental romantic partners who confirm their feelings of worthlessness. The certainty of rejection feels safer than not knowing what to expect next" (30-31).

This part is so fucked up. And I've done this. Lead myself into a situation where I know it's absolutely detrimental to my well-being because I didn't value myself. It's like finding validation like, "YUP. Rejected. I knew I'm not good enough." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Choosing to be around people that are toxic as a form of punishing myself for my faults and as proof that they'll eventually reject me, further proving that I'm not good enough. It becomes a kind of setting up for self-deprecation. When I was feeling at my lowest of lows, it was hard to accept that someone valued me greatly and wanted me — I actually couldn't bear to be around them. I chose to be around others that made me feel inadequate, insecure, judgmental in order to punish myself and reinforce how broken I was.

How often do we put ourselves in these situations in order to recreate and perpetuate our self-critic's core beliefs?

Night thoughts.

At the end of the day,You are the one left with yourself. You will see yourself, face to face.

Are you right with yourself? When all is said and done, when you put down all your armor, all your masks, all the roles you perform, Are you?

Are you right with yourself? With all the decisions you have or haven't made? Do you fall asleep with guilt and remorse? Or do you sleep with no regrets, with humble graciousness for all the goods and bads that Life has to offer?

When you are left by your self, Are you RIGHT with your Self?

The Self and Isolation

Some more quotes from Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.

Siddhartha reflected deeply as he went on his way. He realized that he was no longer a youth; he was now a man. He realized that something had left him, like the old skin that a snake sheds. Something was no longer in him, something that had accompanied him right through his youth and was part of him; this was the desire to have teachers and to listen to their teachings....

Slowly the thinker went on his way and asked himself: What is it you wanted to learn from teachings and teachers, and although they taught you much, what was it they could not teach you? And he thought: It was the Self, the character and nature of which I wished to learn. I wanted to rid myself of the Self, to conquer it, but I could not conquer it, I could only deceive it, could only fly from it, could only hide from it. Truly, nothing in the world has occupied my thoughts as much as the Self, this riddle, that I live, that I am one and am separated and different from everybody else, that I am Siddhartha; and about nothing in the world do I know less than about myself, about Siddhartha....

The reason why I do not know anything about myself, the reason why Siddhartha has remained alien and unknown to myself is due to one thing, to one single thing — I was afraid of myself, I was fleeing from myself....

I will learn from myself, be my own pupil; I will learn from myself the secret of Siddhartha.

Then suddenly this also was clear to him: he, who was in fact like one who had awakened or was newly born, must begin his life completely afresh....

He shivered inwardly like a small animal, like a bird or a hare, when he realized how alone he was... He was no nobleman, belonging to any aristocracy, no artisan belonging to any guild and finding refuge in it, sharing its life and language... Even the most secluded hermit in the woods was not one and alone; he also belonged to a class of people. Govinda had become a monk and thousands of monks were his brothers, wore the same gown, shared his beliefs and spoke his language. But he, Siddhartha, where did he belong? Whose life would he share? Whose language would he speak?

At that moment, when he world around him melted away, when he stood alone like a star in the heavens, he was overwhelmed by  a feeling of icy despair, but he was more firmly himself than ever. That was the last shudder of his awakening, the last pains of birth. Immediately he moved on again and began to walk quickly and impatiently, no longer homewards, no longer to his father, no longer looking backwards.